A Tale Of Two Blogs

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So I’m trying to find a way to keep up two blogs.

I know, right? How crazy am I?

But I needed to separate them into two separate blogs — because — well — I needed some sort of organization for my thoughts.

So here’s how it’ll go. This lovely little blog that’s been my little project on and off since 2010 — will strictly be about –

Wait for it…

PARENTING.

I’m a genius, right? I figured that the title of the blog says it all. Basically any issues as they pertain to children, parenting, and motherhood will be posted on this blog.

And as for the other blog? You ask. 

Well my other little blog, Porch Philosophy, will have posts about –

EVERYTHING ELSE.

Basically anything that interests me. Thoughts on marriage, divorce, feminism, movies, books, ideas — but the core of it will be based on feminism. Because I’m a woman. And that’s what I like to talk about. I’ll occasionally post parenting topics on Porch Philosophy if it is a hot-button issue and has to do with a woman’s body — like breastfeeding.

So there you have it.

Let’s see how long I can keep this up.

Post-Christmas Cleaning Psychosis

English: "The Dedusting Pump", later...

There’s something about wanting to start anew when Christmas is over.

Yeah, I know. You’re saying, “Hey genius. Of course you want to start over. It’s the new year. What are ya, fuckin’ dumb?”

Yes, I realize my observation is cliché and less than brilliant. But whatevs. And to go off topic for a moment, whenever I write “whatevs,” autocorrect turns it into “wharves.”  Maybe it’s the universe telling me not to use such an god-awful word — or non-word.

Anyway, the house is filled to the brim with stuff. New stuff. Toys, books, things. The kids are happy. I’m content. And now I wanna clean all this shit up and organize the house. Make everything sparkly and pretty! Paint! Move furniture around!

This kind of mood only lasts so long, so I must take advantage.

Now I just need a game plan. I want to focus on one room at a time… so I’ve decided on Kiera’s room. My lovely 8-year-old daughter has to be the most whirlwind child out there. Her brain synapses are amazing. The problem with her wild creativity and general smartness is she moves from one thing to the next like the goddamn Tasmanian devil. Fer realz. It’s impossible to make that child sit still. Therefore her room is in constant disarray. Clothes, toys, little bits and pieces of art supplies, books. Everywhere.

I think she may have ADHD. But she has ADHD in the most delightful way. She’s lovely, gregarious, vocal, sensitive, stubborn, amazing. She’s my daughter so I can say these things. But these things are true. The down part is the mess — and my complete and utter exhaustion from dealing with such an exuberant child.

So yeah. Kiera’s room is first. Then the playroom — because Beckett has accumulated so many toddler toys that I feel like my life is swimming in bits of train sets, race cars and wooden blocks of assorted shapes and colors. God help me.

But my almost twelve-year-old son? That kid knows how to clean — maintaining the cleanliness is a whole other story, but when I ask him to clean, that boy breaks out the wood cleaner, glass cleaner, vacuum cleaner and broom and subsequently turns into a cleaning maniac until his room is an oasis among a sea of utter chaos.

Perhaps I could learn a thing or two from my oh-so-responsible son.

Let the cleaning begin.

Distraction

While the country is still heavy with sadness over the murder of 20 children and 6 adults in Newtown, Connecticut — I took a break from all the madness and played on the internets.

I could write a whole post on the insane gun laws — or lack thereof — in this country. I could be angry. I could be sad.

And I am.

But I need a moment.

So I played on stumbleupon today — and it’s my new most favoritest site EVER.

I LOVES it.

At first I started it because all these blogging websites said to do it for blog exposure. But then I was reading articles that it’s bad form to promote your own blog on Stumbleupon. Uh. Okay then. Not quite sure how THAT’s gonna work. But no biggie. Cuz I found me some awesome little webby sites and vids.

And pardon me if you’re so web worldly that you’ve already seen these.

Like this video for Chicago Children’s Museum and how it opened a toy store — except it’s not a toy store — it’s a BOX store and kids have to use their ‘maginations. It’s cray cray and super awesome.

Then there’s THIS place in the Netherlands.

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People are ice skating on top of that.  You can sort of see their little silhouettes through the wavy ice.

I want to go to there.

Then there’s this restaurant in China.

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You know. Just a restaurant hanging off the side of mountain overlooking the Chang Jiang River. No big thang.

A confession. I have never left the country. Ever. Not even to Mexico. Not even to Canada. And you know what’s even weirder? I grew up in the military. My Dad was an officer in the Army, but due to my sister’s illness, we stayed in the states so she could get her medical treatment.

So yeah. Traveling out of the country is a BIG goal of mine. Not only for myself, but for my kids. My husband, however, is much more traveled than me. The man was born in Argentina for god’s sake.

And lastly, I found the most useful website ever. If you can’t find your cursor, just move your mouse and somebody will point to it.

Amazing.

A Letter To Facebook

Dear Facebook:

You’re the most annoying place to be when a national tragedy occurs. Why do you bring out all the ignorant, ranting idiots? This is a sincere question, my dear Facebook. A very sincere question indeed. I understand it’s a platform for people to express opinions and give updates about their day to day lives…

… but why? Why did you have to reveal to me that this world is full of shit-for-brains people, especially during a time of national grief? Or I guess, more importantly, why did you have to reveal to me that I’m FRIENDS with these people?

I’m not speaking to you for a while, Facebook. I just can’t deal.

Have a nice week dealing with all the dip-shits.

Sincerely,

Reasonable Person

Friday Things

Things to do on Friday:

Relax and do nothing for 2 minutes.

Make yourself a drink to match the music you’re listening to. How quaint.

Fly to Australia and stay at a beach house. If you can actually do this, then I fucking hate you.

Write something.

Draw something.

Get balls to the wall wasted. Just kidding. That’s irresponsible. Have a few drinks and get a little giddy.

Dinner With Obama

Proud moment of the day:

Beckett, my two year old son, pointed to the napkins and asked for a towel during dinner. After I handed him the napkin, he dabbed his mouth in the most gentlemanly manner.

Amusing moment of the day:

Kiera insisted on having a framed picture of herself in front of her while she ate her dinner.

“To remind me of myself.” she stated.

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Kiera clearly has no self-esteem issues.

Frustrating moment of the day:

Due to atrocious table manners such as sprawling their bodies across the dining chairs, using fingers to stuff salad into their mouths and general table naughtiness — I pointed to an empty chair and told my precious children to imagine President Obama was sitting at the table — and would they behave in such a horrendous manner if our president was partaking in our meal?

The children looked curiously at the empty chair and made an effort to use their cutlery correctly. Whenever they slid back into their old ways, Kiera would look at the empty chair forlornly and say, “Sorry Obama.”

This in no way was a reference to Clint Eastwood and his meandering geriatric ways at the National Republican Convention. I just wanted the kids to eat their damn food with a little bit of dignity.

Now I’m tired. So I leave you with a cool video to look at. My kids loved this.

Motherhood: Like It Or Love It

Last night I was done. Done for the day. Done being a mom. Done with work. Done being a housekeeper. Done with the ever increasing load of endless things to do.

I was tired.

Beckett was screaming.

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An old picture of Beckett screaming, but you get the idea.

Kiera was asking the same questions over and over.

“Can I go on the iPad?”

“Can I have a lollipop?”

“Can I watch My Little Pony?”

“No, Kiera! For the love of God, read a book!”

She would slowly walk a way. Dejected. Head hanging. She would find the easiest book ever and read it in under 30 seconds.

“NOW can I go on the iPad?”

Yes, I admit we have a lot of screen time in this house. Something we need to cut back on. But despite how tired I was, I didn’t cave. Okay. I DID let her watch My Little Pony. But just one episode, okay?

Ryan needed help with homework. It took about two hours to get one math assignment done. There were tears. There was frustration — both from Ryan and his dad. Frustration on Ryan’s side because if he doesn’t understand something, then it must not be correct. Converting milliliters to liters? According to Ryan, it didn’t make any sense, so therefore it was scientifically impossible. And he would try to argue with his dad with a look of smug stubbornness, pointing out that all previous scientists and mathematicians were wrong. And he, Ryan, an eleven year old boy who is really bad at math, is correct. Try arguing with that while getting dinner done, dealing with a screaming baby and listening to an 8 year old girl standing there asking the same three questions over and over and over.

That’s why we have beer in the fridge.

I love my life. I love my children. I love my husband. But last night I was having a moment. Yes, I signed up for this. I always wanted to be a mom. I wanted five kids — cue the snickers.  Then when I had my first, I realized I only “liked” being a mom. I didn’t love it — even though I loved my baby more than the entire Universe — my love for him stretched a billion times deeper than the deepest depths of the cosmos.

But I only “liked” being a mom. But I was only 22. I had no fucking clue what I had gotten myself into.

Then I decided that I kinda sorta loved being a mom and had another baby. Then I went back to only “liking” the mommy thing.  I think my level of liking and loving directly correlates with the age of the child. My love of being a mother increases as the child gets older. Especially after they’re potty trained. Needless to say, I had three children instead of five.

Anyway. Last night. So I was in a mood. And when I get in a mood, I can’t just snap out of it. I have to let it fester, much to the frustration of my husband. I can’t even force a smile — if I try, it results in a maniacal, tight stretched out mouth with gritted teeth. It’s not pretty. All I can do is furrow my brow and just roll with it.

I think my problem is I work all day. Literally. I go to work and take care of people. I come home and take care of people. I’m constantly caring for people.

You know what would help?

Walks.

A nice brisk walk every evening.

I think I’ll do that today.

And hopefully I’ll be back to loving motherhood when the kids get home from school.

Weekend Pictures

A rainy Sunday means we do indoor things — such as make a dress out of a scarf for Beckett. He loved it. But what he loved even more were the crackers on his chin. And yes, we watched way too much T.V.  It was awesome.

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Then Ryan and Beckett ran up and down the hall like crazy butt-heads. Yes, I DID just say that.  But they’re my butt-heads, mmm-kay?
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I put red Christmas lights around our Ikea lamp. Ain’t I crafty? It was my seriously lame attempt at being all design-y.

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Ryan listened to Nazareth on the new turntable. How warm and 70s like.

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And here’s a picture I took of Kiera a few weeks ago when she was being a butt-head. I know she looks cute, but don’t be fooled. See her red, glowing eyes?

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Mother Reads A Book

I’m reading a book.

It’s the amazing Bill Bryson‘s Notes From A Small Island. Wherein he takes a tour of Britain and writes about it.

I think Bill Bryson has the most amazing job in the world. Being a travel writer? Why yes. I’ll take that job. Also, I think I’ve developed a small crush on him. His wit… his charm… his smart and funny anecdotes. Why Mr. Bryson, your way with words is throwing me into a womanly tizzy.

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Why hello, Mr. Bryson.

The man makes me want to travel. I mean — I’ve always wanted to travel, but Mr. Bryson really makes me want to travel.  If you’re a faux poor like me, or just don’t have the time to travel, this book is such a wonderful escape. Cue Reading Rainbow theme music.

Bill Bryson quote of the day:

For reasons that I have never understood, the French have a particular genius when it comes to tacky religious keepsakes, and in a gloomy shop on a corner of the Place d’Armes, I found one I liked: a plastic model of the Virgin Mary standing with beckoning arms in a kind of grotto fashioned from seashells, miniature starfish, lacy sprigs of dried seaweed, and a polished lobster claw. Glued to the back of the Madonna’s head was a halo made from a plastic curtain ring, and on the lobster claw the model’s gifted creator had painted an oddly festive-looking “Calais!” in neat script. I hesitated because it cost a lot of money, but when the lady of the shop showed me that it also plugged in and lit up like a fun-fair ride at Blackpool, the only question in my mind was whether one would be enough.  ”Cest tres jolie,”  she said in a kind of astonished hush when she realized that I was prepared to pay real money for it, and bustled off to get it wrapped and paid for before I came to my senses and cried, “Say, where am I? And what, pray is this tacky piece of Franco-merde I see before me?”

-Notes From a Small Island

I’m not a reviewer. I don’t review things. I’m not good at that shit like my husband is. So just know that this book is worth your time.

Money Monday

Wipe our Debt

We’ve turned into that family. The family that makes a reasonable amount of money, but has too much debt and too many expenses and lives in an area that’s way out of our budget.

So what do we do? We need to cut down on our expenses, obvs. But shit. Where do we start? We could move, but our rent is actually not that bad. We’re paying down debt, but seem to be accruing new debt in the process of paying down the old debt. We have two cars — two cars that we’re still paying for.  Yes, so that would mean we have two car payments every month.

Rent. Utilities. Groceries. Childcare. Gas. Auto insurance. Credit cards. Upkeep of the house. CHRISTMAS.

We need to do something.

I need to go back to school but I won’t see an increase in pay until I’m done. We need to do something NOW. We’re unable to save any money and we’re gonna need a shit ton of it for next summer when the kids are out of school — because we’ll need to put them in summer camps or some sort of childcare. So we need to make a list. A list of things to cut.

The first thing to cut is cable.

The second thing to do is refinance our cars. Unfortunately we need both cars for work and to pick up the kids, otherwise we’d get rid of one of them.

The positive thing is, we’re paying down a huge chunk of debt. I just don’t like the fact that we seem to be accruing new debt. It’s turning into a vicious cycle and we need to get out of it STAT.

Any advice? Anybody with book or budget recommendations?

Cuz this shit is gettin’ old.